Are Those Carpenter Ants?

Carpenter Ants? Really now. They might just be extra large, bright black, juicy, garden variety ants with little crumbs of lumber suspiciously encrusting their tiny insect lips. Or the area where their lips would be if they had any. Karen, Richard. Come closer so I can see what you’ve been eating. And then maybe step on you a little.

Perhaps my chagrin would be best expressed in haiku:

Meaty little bug.

Are you slowly digesting

My walls, roof … future?

All right. Enough poetry for one day. My exterminator said it’s not a carpenter ant. When I bothered to bring it up about four years ago during our annual termite inspection. Last week my mother said it sure looked like one to her. And by the way, did I want her to entomb it in a ziploc sandwich bag so I could save it for evidence for the next, more qualified exterminator to evaluate?

Who am I going to believe? Probably the (likely mistaken) exterminator because I am just too damn lazy to even consider how unfortunate it would be to have a carpenter ant infestation raging silently around me for the past four years or so. Live and let live, I say. Unless, of course, you are a carpenter ant. In that case, please enter this teeny tiny plastic dome with yummy Raid ant treats inside. Bon Apetit.