A.Y.M.N.K.B.S. (Acronyms You Might Not Know But Should)

I am a food girl. I like it. So sue me. Sometimes (daily) I have issues with portion control and I overindulge a little. As a result, I have achieved a sort of Botticelli-esque roundness that would have made me quite the iconic beauty had I lived in the fifteenth century. But I don’t.

So God has intervened. Lately, when it is clearly time for me to put down my fork and take a load off, I have started to enjoy the symptoms of GERD. That’s GastroEsophogeal Reflux Disease or Gaseous Entrails Reversing Direction, I’m not sure which. GERD is also certainly the best example of onomatopoeia that I’ve ever heard. This is completely a self-diagnosed condition, if you’re reading, Mom. Do not go on WebMD and do not call asking about my cholesterol. It’s fine.

My GERD symptoms are likely imagined, and are certainly not troublesome if you don’t count the occasional vurp (figure it out) that may follow a big meal or the too-fast scarfing of a nice pesto with too much garlic in it. The vurp, which you might recognize as GERD-WAFC (GERD-With Accompanying Flavorful Chunks) is in the official list of Diagnostic Codes, under disgusting functions and symptoms that are your own damn fault.

Of greater concern is a psych-related acronym that has recently manifested in my health portfolio. I’m talking about the chronically uncalled for and inconvenient FWAP (Frustrated Woman About to Pop) which tends to occur every three and a half weeks or so, often accompanied by a severe case of ISYSES (I Suck, You Suck, Everything Sucks).  As a public service announcement, I would like to make it known that if you encounter a person stricken by  FWAP or ISYSES, you should know that the best treatment is TSAR-SYN (Turn Slowly And Retreat-Save Yourself Now). If you do not heed this sage advice, you may become a victim of YOHYTB (You Only Have Yourself To Blame).

And there’s NICDAT (Nothing I Can Do About That).


7 comments on “A.Y.M.N.K.B.S. (Acronyms You Might Not Know But Should)

  1. I am a food girl, so sue me too. And there is NACDAY&M (Nothing Anyone Can Do About You and Me). So there. Keep the laughs coming!

  2. I have been trying to figure out all day how to explain how I have been feeling the past couple of days. FWAP & ISYSES hIts the nail on the head. I am sure one more soccer game the spring spree will pull me out of my funk :-)!

  3. Sleeping Mom says:

    I still remember trying to get the hang of parenting acronyms… LO, DH, DD, DS, FWIW, IMHO… I think anything longer than four letters and I’m lost!

  4. seapunk2 says:

    IHA, (I hate acronyms) though I do try to tune in to WIIFM as often as possible. (What’s in it for me) Great post on the use of a machete on the English language.

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