I have found some of your personal belongings in the washer and dryer. I did not make this up. You can never ever have them back and I refuse to replace them. They are categorized by genre for your convenience:
A watch. Earrings. Rope bracelets.
Hair clips, ponytail holders, headbands and a comb.
Belts. Several. In many colors. For any occasion.
A cell phone.
Your bus pass for camp. Your library card.
A diaper! That must have been my fault when I was very, very sleep deprived and mistook the laundry basket for a diaper genie.
A Magic Treehouse Book.
Lip balm. Tissues. Tissues. Tissues. (Sadly, these items made it all the way to the dryer.)
Emery Board. Nail clippers.
$14.81 in spare change.
Gum. Starbursts. Tic Tacs. Wadded foil chocolate kiss wrappers with little white Hershey tails.
A pencil, eraser, and plastic sharpener full of shavings. All nice and tidy in the side pocket of your cargo pants.
And while we’re on the subject, two pockets full of rocks in your purple coat that was washed, put into storage, and then came back out with the rock collection intact.
Legos. A dreidl. Chess pieces. Dice. Happy Meal Toys.
The Pokemon cards you absolutely HAD TO HAVE.
Stickers. Crayons. Notepads. Paper clips. Rubber bands. A tape measure.
Flip flops. Goggles. Sunscreen. Seashells. Not all on the same day. Really.
Leaves. Grass. Sticks.
A Soccer Medal.
Mini Golf score card (with mini pencil).
The shirts you dribbled olive oil/Gatorade/butter/popsicle juice/chocolate milk all over without bothering to ask for stain remover.
But never once have I found, in the washer or dryer, the socks you take off in the kitchen every day to leave behind as your personal calling card. Hi mom. I’m home.
Would somebody please come downstairs and pick the sunflower seed husks out of the dryer lint screen? Thanks.