Evidence that I am no longer the compulsive neatnik I was before I had three kids:
- There is a cello on my dining room table.
- The only one in the house who thinks the litter box should be cleaned more than twice a week is the cat.
- There are three black plastic trays for foul weather boot runoff on the floor by the kitchen door. Pairs of boots in my kitchen: zero.
- There is sand on my car mats from last summer.
- I actually purchased spray-on dry shampoo at CVS in case of…What? What could possibly go so terribly wrong in my world that I would resort to using spray-on dry shampoo? Does CVS take returns?
- We change to fresh towels when the used ones smell funny.
- I am not perturbed by the apparently rampant chipmunk population living in the outdoor crawlspace under the family room addition in the back of the house. I’m sure the apparently rampant coyote population will keep them under control.
- Every bit of playdo in our crafts box is the consistency of a milk bone dog biscuit.
- My dishwasher is full of clean dishes. My sink is full of dirty dishes.
- You know how they say there are more weird germs on your kitchen sponge than there are on your toilet? They haven’t seen my toilet. And I don’t even want to talk about the kitchen sponge.
- The five second rule is good for at least 30 minutes if the food in question is relatively non-perishable, non-porous, and hasn’t yet been swatted under the couch by the cat. With my approval, Sprite ate a large chunk of abandoned Oreo off of the kitchen floor yesterday. It was the only way I could get her to pick it up.
- House rule: every pair of jeans is to be worn twice before you even think about putting it in the laundry. Even if you dropped your chocolate pudding in your lap because Dweezil leaned on you at lunch while you were entirely minding your own business. The washing machine is recuperating from a stress fracture and the dryer is on strike.
- Welcome to the annual parent-sponsored treasure hunt under the couch for lost valuables, missing game pieces and overdue library books. Everyone gets a golf club, a flashlight and a surgical mask and goes for the gold. Prizes are awarded for anything found that can be resold on Craig’s List. It’s a really big couch.
- Work files, to do files, school files, unpaid bills, receipts, catalogs, assignments, and notices are allowed to pile up indefinitely as long and they are stacked neatly so they look organized. But one day I will suddenly snap and all piles will be shredded and recycled without warning. Try me. Even I have my limits.